Hey Kate:

I wonder if you can help me out. I bought one of those T-shirts from Mark. It’s the gym rat one. My wife screamed when she saw it. Of course, she screams at me for lots of things, but she really didn’t like that shirt.

I don’t want to return it. I want to get even.

Can you help me do something really awful to Mark that your — what do you call them, bobbies? Stupid name, but I can’t expect you guys to speak proper English. Anyway, I want to get even, but I don’t want your cops to be able to pin it on me.

Though, if they are as ineffective as your Red Coats were back in 1776, maybe I don’t need to worry.

just in case, there is shiny American Quarter Dollar in the deal for you if you can help me. How about it?