HUMOR

Let’s Get Rid of Mondays

And the rest of those ridiculous day names

Photo by author — No wonder I hate Mondays

Listen up, because I’m only going to say this as many times as it takes to get it through your thoroughly muddled, overly distracted head.

We need to get rid of these ridiculous stone-age inspired day names. I mean, seriously, Wed-nes-day? No, that didn’t come from that movie with Christina Ricci and if you are too just-born to remember that, it obviously didn’t come from the new eponymous Netflix series because WAKE UP: that’s not going to be her role.

And Tue-es-day isn’t any better. All of them suck, in fact, all but Sunday, but that’s only useful if it falls when it isn’t raining, snowing, or visiting some other horrendous global warming insult.

So screw all of them. It’s 2022, damn it!

Checks calendar. Confirms date. Nods wisely and smiles. You still got it, Tony-boy!

Fortunately, I have come up with an intelligent and useful replacement nomenclature for our days. No more will we have discriminatory religious trappings hiding in the day names.

What, you say? Yes, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, I’m talking about you. Or should I call you Maní, Tiw, Woden, Thor, and Frig! I bet you’d like that!